Letting go is not an easy task especially with the one you truly love. Pero minsan, kahit masakit, kailangan mong gawin...dahil iyon ang tama. Masakit mang tanggapin, may mga bagay talagang hindi para sa atin...May mga taong hindi para sa atin...Some people are really not meant to stay with us forever or not even meant for us to meet. Kailangan na natin silang bitiwan para na rin sa kanilang kaligayahan at para maging malaya na rin ang ating puso sa anumang mas matindi pang sakit na idudulot sa atin kung patuloy tayong makikipaglaban nang walang dahilan.
Ever since I`ve known about Gil, he`s become a big part of me especially the last 3 months of last year. Evidences of my being addicted to him were widely spread all over the internet during those period. I`ve researched everything about him, followed every site about him, written articles about him, fallen in love with him and really gone crazy about him. There was not a day that I don`t read his post nor visit his site. I even wrote a fan-fic novel about him and me. Not only that, I made a fan page campaign for his comeback here in the Philippines and planned to build a business all about him. Crazy, huh?
As for this new year, I want to start living with reality--that Gil is never meant for me. So, now I`m letting him go...even though he`s never mine. I`m letting go of all my feelings for him and will treat him like my other ex-crushes. He will remain as my inspiration, all-time favorite singer and my beloved. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nasasaktan ako nang ganito thinking of the words "letting go". Siguro dahil kelangan ko nang bawasan (hindi itigil) ang kahibangan ko sa kanya. Siguro kailangan ko nang bawasan ang oras ko para sa kanya. Lagi na lang kasing siya ang lamang ng isip at puso ko kahit alam kong hindi naman niya ako kailanman mapapansin, makikilala o makikita.
Letting go of Gil. It really hurts. Kasi kasabay ng mga katagang iyon ay ang pagsuko ko sa karapatang mahalin siya nang higit pa sa pagiging isang idolo, ang pagbawal ko sa sarili ko na pagpantasya siya o pangaraping maging kami, at ang pagpigil ko sa sarili kong patuloy na umasa sa kanya. Kasabay din nito ay ang pagpapalaya ko sa sarili ko sa labis na pagsisisi kung bakit hindi ko siya nakilala noon.
Gil will always be a part of me. I will always love him, but I want to love him without being hurt. I want to be happy for him without feeling sorry for myself. I want to give him my hundred percent blessing for him to be happy with his beloved, Verena.
I want to move on...I want to get over him for now until I found the one for me. Then I`ll be ready to fall for him again without going so crazy like these past 3 months. Hehehe.
I love you, Gil!
mukhang kakainin ko yata ang sinabi ko rito,ah...sa nangyayari ngayon parang lalo lang ako napapalapit at nahuhulog sa kanya...waaahhh
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